To be buzzed or not to be buzzed? That is the question.

i like myself buzzed. well, my personality when i am buzzed. i am more sociable, comfortable in conversation, even at ease when talking (same thing, duh!). however, i run the risk of embarrassing myself. do you know the feeling of the shock and embarrassment when you see pictures of you on facebook the next day? that is how i feel.

when i am sober, i am shy, i think that i am weird specially when conversation that i start to engage myself requires thinking or reasoning (seriously, how i wish to engage more on the mundane things!). to the point that i have a problem of trying to learn how to make a conversation and gain new friends. that is  my problem. but that is fine with me as i am comfortable with my own company.

i wish i could have someone, i guess like me, to have the patience to listen and say optimistic things. but somehow i myself have a short patience of listening to a broken record. I wish to have someone to talk to and listen and sympathize and will have an amazing capability to encourage me and make me feel good. 

am i selfish about this wish?

anyway, i am just offloading and declaring  what i feel to the universe.

this is me talking with alcohol in my bloodstream. this is me more expressive in writing, when i am in an emotional negative state (i.e., not in a happy or ok mood). damn! i wish i could write this way when i am happy!