tough to accept. i wish i am blessed with a very loving and accepting siblings.
i had a big fight with my eldest sister online.
one that caused me a fracture on my right little finger.
here's the thing. when i am very, very mad due to the frustration that they can't seem to understand me, i inflict pain upon myself.
i shout at the top of my lungs, throw things around, pull my hair, bang my head several times, and punch walls.
i punched a wall 7 hours ago and ended up at the emergency room of the royal melbourne hospital.
here i pray to God that he'll save me from a possible operation.
it's my own affliction and i accept. the pain is enough. i don't need to punish myself further by getting mad at myself for doing such a stupid thing.
i don't fucking need somebody to inflict more pain by lecturing me how stupid i am.
the damage has been done and i hope that God will spare me from a permanent reminder.
one silver lining that i found. this will be my very last punch.
i hope this will be my final self affliction..
i want love, understanding and someone who got my back whether i am wrong or right.
obviously, i won't get these from the same DNA.
i am broken. hoping to be healed.
1 comment:
Hayyy Di...
I hope your OK now. I don't know what you mean by that stupid thing you did. If it cannot be undone, we just have to accept it and the consequences. Like you said, there is no point in doing more stupid things like hurting yourself.
And it's okay to be stupid sometimes. I embrace my silliness and stupidity. Heck, I play with dolls! To those who don't get it, it's stupid. And I don't have to convince those who don't get it. If they see me as stupid, so be it. That's part of me. I'd be boring without it.
I'm just here if need to vent out.
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