blighted ovum(s). four to be exact. imagining if you babies were to be born in this world. big family instantly. immensely blessed that even at this age, i would give birth to four healthy babies while all I yearn for is to have fraternal twins. but God says otherwise. i guess He wants you kids to be with Him. that is ok. at least I tried to give you more time to think about where you want to go. i name all of you L, O, V and E. while i will never know if all of you are girls or boys or a combination or if at this stage, 12 weeks now (9 weeks when we found out you babies were not there), you are human beings that have souls. but I'd like to think all of you are.
so while you babies are still in my tummy and soon you all will be taken away from me, i will always think of all of you. thank you for giving me a chance to be a mother, for the first time thinking more of all you than myself. do say hi to grandma and grandpa for me. while i do not want to be selfish and ask all of you to watch over us, I just want to say to enjoy yourselves in your future home in heaven.
i love you all. my heart is broken to see you all go. but I trust that God has better plans for the future, including yours.
my dear angels.
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